Please be aware that before you read on any further I am not trained as a relationship therapist, counsellor or anything of the sort.
This blog post comes from my heart.
Relationships are hard work. Anyone that tells you different is pulling your leg, telling a fib, or just completely unaware of life around them.
I am no stranger to the ups and downs that life can throw at us in our relationships but I am a true believer in trying to fix things before giving up.
Recently I have noticed several friends unhappy in their situations.
Some, unable to find the love of their life and some, stuck in a rut. Others at their wit’s end with their partner and with their children.
Nothing out of the ordinary, very common things to be honest, we’ve all been there to some extent.
So what to do??? I’m not sure what the right answer is, as the right answer differs from person to person but I believe there are some very important steps to take before you pull the pin or give up entirely.
I think for those desperate to find love, you need to:
1. Appreciate yourself for who you are. It will never work if you’re faking it.
2. Open your horizons a little. Mr Perfect doesn’t exist but Mr Almost Perfect could be the one!
3. Don’t spend every waking moment in search of the future Mrs……, Soon as you stop searching she will be there 🙂
For those stuck in a rut:
1. Define your rut? Is it mundane boring repetitive things that have you losing interest?
2. Try a different approach. Try something new.
3. Be aware that if you’re feeling like you’re stuck, your partner is probably feeling much the same. Talk about it!!!!
For those at your wit’s end:
1. Ask yourself WHY?
There could be a million reasons as to why you’re feeling this way, but usually I find there are a few major ones that stick out. Write them down. It’s often easier to see things clearly when they’re on paper in front of you.
NOTE: Be sure to include the PROS in a list besides your CONS. For the 3 or 4 things driving you nuts there could be 100 things you love…..
2. Be honest with yourself.
From my experience, day-to-day relationship problems are very rarely one-sided. Theres always 2 sides to every story and since men and women are programmed so differently, what seems perfectly obvious to us women may not even rate a thought with our men….
What I am saying is, Ask yourself what you could do better. We always focus a lot on improving our partners, but try seeing the situation from their point of view. It can open your eyes up to a lot of things that you hadn’t seen in the past.
I know that it’s not always easy to talk to someone seriously and if you live with a busy person it’s often hard to find the quality time uninterrupted to have a decent conversation. A wise lady once advised me to schedule in a time to have a talk. The theory behind her thinking was that
* If it’s booked in they can’t get out of it
* It give’s them a little warning that you aren’t just going to talk about the weather
* It give’s you time to organise the children, get your thoughts together etc…
So ask your partner? What is a good time to have a chat?
4. Make some plans together.
Life today is busy. We all are. There is always a job to do wether it be work, house, family, friends the list goes on. It’s easy to get lost in the mayhem and chaos and forget about each other. It’s so important to allow yourself time as a couple and enjoy each other’s company like you did when you first got together.
Plan a “date night” every so often. A “lunch date” if that’s the only peace from the children you get. Make it special. A fantastic idea is to plan a regular time that you can share together wether it be weekly, fortnightly, monthly…. and take turns in planning it. You might be pleasantly surprised…..
5. Are the children taking their toll?
Now doesnt that sound horrible? But I have heard of it happening.
Couples putting all their focus on the children and growing so far apart from each other in the process, or couples that do nothing with their children then blame each other for the way the children behave.
This is why I love “Family Movie Night” in our house. It gives us time together as a family, even if we are staring at a screen, we’re all together and the kids have now come to expect it every Tuesday night.
The key I guess is balance.
If you’re whole life revolves around your children but your relationship is failing, the balance is out of whack.
If you spend your whole life working and you spend minimal time with your children and spouse then the balance is out of whack.
Trial and error. See what works for your family. If a couple of night once a month is all you can fit in. It’s still totally worth it. If half a day or 30mins is all you have spare for the children then it’s definitely a start.
6. Who do you surround yourself with?
I think one of the most important things in adult life is to have a fantastic support system. I feel totally blessed with the friends that I have made over recent years, but I have not always been this lucky.
I am a firm believer in our friends and family having a massive influence on our way of looking at things.
If you surround yourself with miserable, negative people, eventually you will become much the same. It’s very difficult to stay positive when all you are hearing day in and day out is the woes of other people’s problems.
Take a break from the misery. Afterall your own relationship and family come first. If you have a positive friend or family member plan some lunches or coffee breaks with them. Call them up. We don’t call our friends enough these days. 🙂
Positivity and happiness come to those who are positive and happy – remember that!!!
7. When all else fails……
You still don’t have to give up in an instant. There are many services out there, some free, that provide relationship counsellors. All it takes is a quick trip to the doctor for a referral or alternatively, google whats available in your area.
Seem a little daunting? Maybe, but it most certainly can help 🙂
At the end of the day, if you feel as though you really have tried everything then at least you have tried.
There would be nothing worse than looking back years later and realising you didn’t give it your best shot.
Happy Relationships Everyone!!!